Time

An average day in my life is a 24 hour wrestle with time. As of now, it being my very own, time has proven ownership of me. It taunts me with its passing, and I am brought to tears when I realize how much of it is gone and how little I have as evidence of its existence. I try to tame it. My mind works best in subdivision, so to me it only makes sense to divide my time evenly between work, housekeeping, relationships, hobbies. One portion of each day for each activity, that's 4 hours for each category and plenty left for rest. Reality, I've found, does not subdivide so neatly. Any given day is a heap pile of all four. My method of untangling this is and has been to take a deep breath and dive straight into the middle, where I can keep an eye on all of them at once. Being able to multi-task has been a point of pride for me for some time now. Look at the things I can manage to keep functioning all at the same time! Then, at the end of the day hear me whimper once again that I have accomplished nothing and the pile of responsibilities mingled with aspirations is still a jumbled mess.

I have thought about this long. My journals are littered with this plea: "Lord, How do I manage my time?" "How do I own the time that I have and accomplish something with it?" Phil's ears I'm sure are weary from hearing the rollercoaster of inspired ideas followed by whimpers of defeat.
This is what I have learned. This very morning as I search myself once again for the reason that I, filled with so much energy and so much desire to accomplish many things, can end up so empty and so tired. I have become the third servant. In Matthew 25:14-28, Jesus speaks to His disciples a parable about three servants. Each of them are given a specific amount of money to use while their Master is away. The 1st two servants take their money and work deliberately and diligently to build upon their Masters investment. The 3rd servant is, I suppose, afraid of failure and keeps his money where it cannot be wasted. When the Master returns he praises the 1st two servants for their work and rewards them with more than what they had already earned. The 3rd servant is given no reward for keeping his money safe and secure and tight in his own grip. In fact, what he had been holding onto is taken from his hands and given to the 1st servant who had proven himself productive.
I had always assumed that the 3rd servant is an illustration of people who have been given an opportunity to follow Christ with their lives, but refused to do so. I see it now though. I have been the 3rd servant. The time I have been given was never mine to own, to hide, to horde and try to juggle. If I desire to redeem anything from the time I have been given, I must accept it. I must accept time openly, use it while it remains and allow it to flow freely. It cannot be successfully subdivided, however, if I am wise enough I can make the most of it by remembering it is a gift and redeeming it deliberately and diligently. There will be multi-tasking at times, but time is not for multi-tasking.

Psalm 90:12 & 17
Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us- yes, establish the work of our hands.